"The brighter the light, the darker the shadow." -Carl Jung

"Cracked"

"The Dark Night of the Soul is a purging process that calls us to release all that is unhealed or unnecessary - releasing all that is in the way of our highest good."

-Michael Mirdad

I have been exploring my dark night of the soul more lately. I feel like I have been in my dark night forever. It has been about a year and 9 months. It is getting easier and more light is starting to come through. To be honest, I have been miserable for many, many years. I have been in excruciating pain and some pretty hardcore depression. There was a time I didn't think I was going to make it through any of it and I was barely hanging on. And it seems like when I was at rock bottom, wishing I could just die and asking to be set free, that's when things completely changed. And it was a whirlwind. My kundalini awakening that I had been in for several years intensified and I entered a massive spiritual awakening. And a few months later, I entered my dark night of the soul. I have been learning to navigate through all of this ever since. The depression has taken over at times and I have felt darkness and pain that is hard to put into words. Thankfully the universe brought me loving support and that is how I have been able to get through this without completely losing my mind. My spiritual counselor gave me the idea to start expressing the darkness I have been experiencing into my art. And that is what I have been doing. It has been helping and I feel like it has also been a wonderful healing tool. It has actually been cathartic, I have felt a sense of relief while creating this art. I am able to express what I have been feeling without trying to have to put it into words. I wanted to share the artwork I have recently done in this post.

"Gutted"

I never knew it was possible to feel things that I have felt and have been feeling. I never thought feeling this much darkness was possible. I have felt terrified, broken, torn apart, cracked open and raw, exhausted, drained, shame, so much self hate, fear, guilt and resentment. All my past came to confront me, all my shame and everything I didn't and don't love about myself and my body. It was overwhelming until I could sit with it and learn it was all asking to be seen and to be loved. All your ghosts, demons, or shadows come out to be seen and felt.

"The Ickiness"

I have felt like I have been walking through sludge at times. The depression has felt so heavy and painful that it hurt to move. Overwhelming grief I could feel allover my body. My heart and body would physically hurt with grief and shame. And also this feeling of emptiness and loss inside. Like you having nothing left in you, nothing to give anyone else. You can't feel love for anyone or anything anymore. And you are being haunted by your past, other lifetimes, and ancestral trauma. You feel like you are dying inside.

"Cracked"

At one point I thought I had lost my mind. I kept telling my husband to take me to a psychiatric hospital because I was so scared my mind had cracked and I wouldn't be able to come back from it with out professional help. Thankfully he refused to take me anywhere and my support team helped be find my inner strength to bring myself out of it. I was going through a huge ego death and a spiritual psychosis. It was a terrifying experience but I now see how it was a very important part of my journey.

"Empty"

For the longest time I felt empty. I also did not feel here and I had lost my sense of self. I had a hard time connecting with others because I was so out of it. I was also hiding everything that was happening from everyone except my spiritual support team. I was heavily isolated, dissociating, not sleeping, feeling like I was broken and damaged. I was also scared of what my life was going to be like after all this and if I would ever feel like I belonged again.

"Trapped"

For years I have felt trapped in my body. I have been in daily chronic pain, and then the kundalini awakening became debilitating and completely took over. I have felt trapped in my body and in life. I have felt so limited because there was so much I wanted to do with my life and experience but I couldn't because the pain was taking over. This has brought on so much anger and rage for me to express and release.

"Befriending my Shadow"

When I was finally able to give love and compassion to my shadow, things started changing and getting a little easier. I needed to give so much love to little Dyane too. Once your are able to do that, light starts coming through the darkness. I learned that my shadow is just wanting my love and to be acknowledged. It is like a child wanting attention, to be seen, and to be loved. So I started treating my shadow like I would a child. And my younger self, little Dyane, kept showing up at different ages to be seen and loved. I was flooded with memories and the pain I experienced as a child. I was finally able to give her the love I couldn't before.

Your shadow is the parts of you that don't align with who you truly are. It's where you have stored all the lies and stories you have told yourself. Your shadow is where you have repressed all of your wounds, your hurt and your pain that are wanting your love and attention. Once you start befriending your shadow and take control of those "stories" you have been telling yourself, everything starts to change. You are finally acknowledging those parts of you that have been asking to be seen and you are letting love in. The most powerful form of love, self love. It becomes a transformation. I now feel more love for myself and others, I feel more compassion for myself and others, and I am able to connect with others more easily and on a deeper level. I still have parts of myself coming up to be loved. And I am still in my dark night of the soul but I feel it coming to an end soon.

The dark night of the soul is your journey to becoming your higher self. You are purging trauma and releasing everything that no longer serves you. You are making more room for more light and you are reclaiming your power. You will begin to experience more joy and more love. You will be able to hold more compassion for others and for yourself. And you will begin to step into your magic!

Affirmations for Shadow Work

-I trust that this experience is part of my journey and will lead to my growth and transformation.

-I release any beliefs or patterns that no longer serve me and embrace my true authentic self.

-I have the power to create a new reality for myself. One that aligns with my deepest desires and purpose. I am in control.

-I am grateful for the lessons and growth opportunities that come with this experience.

"The shadow is the greatest teacher for how to come to the light."

-Ram Dass